dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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