Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Couch. On fire.
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