Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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