some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
