is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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