Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
