there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
