Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
id be glad to
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
