I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
