My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
