I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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