just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
