So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
