You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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