You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
