her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
