she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
