I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I woke up under a house in Key West
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