chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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