I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
