If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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