Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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