I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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