The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
