i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
