There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
