and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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