why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
