Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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