Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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