I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
