I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
