There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
