I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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