I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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