i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just invented taco cereal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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