Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
