He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A+ Viking dick
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