i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this just has baby written all over it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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