We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
