just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
