every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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