Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
