wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
