3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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