sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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