i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
