my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
