I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
