I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
