Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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