The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize