Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
