I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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