after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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