i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
