My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
