Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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