Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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