I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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