Define "chronic" masturbator.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
