genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
