I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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