just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
