Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
