I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
