Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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