areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
