I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
