69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
