im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
