Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
