i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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