Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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