I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
