She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
