I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Never underestimate the power of titties
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize