I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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