I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
