I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
