You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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