ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
