she was so not down for the gang bang
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
whose parrot is this?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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