That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
